Demon's Heart
by kammy147
Summary: Sebastian, does it hurt?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji, it is the intellectual property of Toboso Yana.

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><p><strong>– D e m o n ' s _ H e a r t – <strong>

I will appreciate it if you would be nicer.

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><p><strong>T<strong>he wretched heart of a demon contains everything that was sinful and impure — a concoction of the seven deadly sin_s_, spiced up with the desire to corrupt all the souls within its reach. They are truly wicked things. Its appearance, however, is so delicately attractive, so intricately woven, that it easily captivates its prey.

What else does a demon's heart contain? Surely the heart of a creature as complicated as a demon cannot contain just seven things. For demons were once fallen angels, and the heart of an angel is made of gold, of purity, of love, and of all the divine goodness that often causes its owner more pain than pleasure. For in a world such as this, a heart filled with good intention is bound to suffer.

The question is, what happens to all those qualities when an angel falls? Surely the darkness in a demon's heart could not rival the unlimited virtue of an angel's heart. And if the guileless qualities should be conserved, where would they lay in the demon's heart? Deep inside the black heart of the demon, piled in an unbearable tumor, causing its owner frustration and anger...

Sebastian is one such hopeless demon. How painful it is every day, to have to bear such pent up anger in silence. Or rather, even if he is able to show it, he does not know how. Emotions are such bothersome things. They're the one thing a demon should not possess. Sebastian does not usually let his emotions go astray, but when circumstances cause a stir in that painfully swollen tumor of hidden emotions in his black, malignant heart, he can only feel more despair. Despair that is turning into more anger and frustration.

Sebastian began to wonder if a demon is supposed to thrive under such conditions. If so, he simply cannot force himself to.

The more he is among humans, the more often such storms blow. If a reaper like the Undertaker can go insane, Sebastian couldn't help but wonder if it is possible for demons too.

"Sebastian," his master called while reading through a stack of paperwork. "Take this away, I have no appetite right now." His small hand pushed the plate of delicacies aside, having only taken one small bite. "And my tie is loose."

The butler took the plate and gently placed it on the trolley. "Young master?" The demon turned to his master, asking for permission to reach out to redo the loosened piece of silk.

Ciel momentarily put down the paper work, turning to face his butler in his chair. Even though his mind was mostly on his work, he couldn't help but took notice of his butler's lack of speech. Though concerned, the haughty little earl was not about to condescend himself in a manner that would render him looking quite softhearted in front of his devious butler.

"Sebastian, what's the matter?" he asked, stealing a glance at his butler's handsome face. The demanding tone of his question hung in the air between the two while the butler worked his gloved fingers over the silky material.

"There," the butler tightened the knot before replying, "Nothing that the young master should worry about." A smile, one that should assure the boy of everything.

"Liar," The boy accused.

Sebastian felt the injustice of the accusation; surely, concealing something does not count as being dishonest?

"Stop acting all high and mighty, and just spit it out already." The boy resumed reading his paperwork, hiding his face behind the documents.

Being a confused demon, Sebastian did not realise his young master's actual intent streamed from his care for the demon himself. He felt compelled to reply, but had not words for it, and for reasons unbeknowst to the demon, it made him feel quite frustrated at himself again. However, being the smart-mouthed butler that he was, he resolved to teasing his young master once more, "Why, is the young master worried about me? I have to say I am quite honored if that is the case."

"Why you-" The little earl choked out fragmented words. However, quickly recollecting his composure, he continued. "Even if I am worried, it is just because I fear you won't be able to fulfill your promise." He stole a nervous glace at his handsome butler, observing any change in that delicate mask of humanity,

"That," the butler stood up from his kneeling position to his full height, looking down on the human child, "You need not worry. I am one hell of a butler after all."

The boy scoffed, turning his back on his butler again.

Sebastian took the hint, collecting the tea sets and everything else. He slowly closed the door behind him as he pushed the trolley out of the room.

How ungrateful humans are, Sebastian began to think. He devoted all his time and strength to protect this little human child, and he still has to endure all of his impertinent behaviors. The demon couldn't help but wish that his master would treat him with a little more respect — but that'd make things so much harder for him in the end...

Playing with one's own meal is never a good idea. If he starts to let himself get too comfortable around Ciel, it will just make things even more painful — not that Sebastian was starting to develop any sort of feelings for the little earl. Ciel probably realised that also, which was why he never fully let the demon into his heart.

Sebastian sighed at the thought. What a failure! He couldn't even tempt a thirteen year old boy into giving up his heart to him. Sebastian mused over the idea of Ciel being a better demon than himself (if he was one), but the thought rather gave him shivers up and down his spine.

Dismissing the silly idea, he went back to his daily chores again.

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><p><strong>AN: So yep, originally it was supposed to be a multi-chap, but ended up being this strange one-shot. Please do tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of the characters. Kuroshitsuji is the intellectual property of Toboso Yana.

Thanks Hikari-Hikaru-Hikari for beta-ing this fic!

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><p>– <strong>D e m o n ' s _ H e a r t – <strong>

You are much mistaken if you expect to influence me by such a paltry attack as this.

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><p>"<strong>S<strong>ebastian, would you be so kind as to add some more coke to the fireplace?" the woman sitting in the velvet armchair asked. The skirt of her satin gown shifted slightly as she straightened to look up at the boy sitting across her on the other side of the tea table. "After all, being the butler of the young earl, you must be aware that cold air often triggers asthma attacks." The woman said matter-of-factly, shuffling the cards in her hands. She smiled as she realized her hand looked quite promising.

The butler bowed silently and followed the instruction. '_What could young master possibly be thinking __now_,' he wondered. The way Ciel was sitting his chair with his left arm supporting his head told Sebastian that his master was quite annoyed at their guest, and quite frankly, he could already sense that slight anger through the bond of their contract.

He stole a glance at his young master, expecting the boy to retaliate by saying something to the woman, but those thin lips weren't even slightly upturned, his visible blue orb only remained calmly on the cards in his hands. The mask was perfect — a calm sea before a disastrous storm. The demon mused over the idea of teasing his young master with his smart-mouthed comments, but of course the current situation required him to keep his mouth shut, therefore he resolved to save it for later for when they were alone.

"Madame," the boy finally cleared his throat, "Thank you for your kindness; my butler can be quite inconsiderate at times." Although his back was facing his master, Sebastian could sense the smirk on his master's face. What could he mean by that? Inconsiderate? Where was this coming from?

While it's true that sometimes he could be unaware of his human needs, he always placed the safety of his young master above all else. Never had he once put the boy's life in danger just for his own amusement... well, that'd be a lie. But nevertheless, Ciel Phantomhive was alive and well at this moment, wasn't he? All thanks to his resourceful butler for rescuing him all those times.

"If you think so yourself, you should hire another that is capable of ensuring your needs and comforts." the woman exclaimed halfheartedly, looking up at the earl for any hints of triumph.

"Yes," the boy said deliberately, still keeping his poker face. "But I am afraid I am already used to him. If I rid of him and get someone else to do the job it will take me some time to get used to that new person."

"That is what you think," the woman declared with much self-importance. "But I am sure you won't miss the incompetence of such a careless servant."

The earl chuckled a little and replied, "Madame Devoureaux, please do give my butler some credit."

"Earl, I would say the same; please do admit you've grown attached to your servant." the woman replied pointedly.

"Yes, quite attached..." Ciel finally admitted distantly.

The demon found himself desperately searching his master's expression, but only returned his gaze to the floor lest the annoying guest start to criticize again. '_How bothersome!'_the demon thought. '_Why is it that I'm always wondering __what that child is thinking? Surely he is nothing but a tasty meal__ to me__...'_ Sebastian scolded himself again and again as he pushed the trolley to the kitchen, wishing that he could stop thinking of the matter altogether.

It was then that the careless maid popped out from the corner and called for help —.

"Mr. Sebastian! This is bad!" Mey-Rin said, her voice almost cracked in her panic.

"Don't go around shouting in the middle of the hallways! Now, what is the matter?"

"Finny caught a high fever," the maid said, lowering her volume.

"We have some medicine in the cabinet. Have you tried it already?"

"Yes, but it only got worse when he woke up," Mey-Rin said worriedly.

Sebastian gave a frustrated groan and started walking to the servants' quarter without another word, only leaving the maid feeling more distressed at the situation.

'_Humans... they are far too fragile.'_

"Ho ho ho..." The house's steward sat in one corner of the room, taking a sip of his usual green tea.

"Sebastian, thank God you are here! We have no idea what to do, but we knew you were busy serving the guest, so we-"

'_Humans... they are always so clueless.'_

Sebastian took the thermometer out of Finny's mouth, checking the temperature. It read thirty-nine. The butler glanced at the medicine bottles that were standing on the night table. They were the right ones to give...

"You don't think he's got the flu?" Bard suggested worriedly.

'_They are always so frightened.'_

"If he does, it's better if we all just leave him be." the demon said coldly, and the maid started to sob in the doorway, rubbing her eyes with her apron.

"How- but- Sebastian! We can't do that!" Bard shouted angrily, staring at the butler's cool expression with disbelief.

"I don't want to infect anyone..." Finny's feeble voice managed to make itself heard over the commotion in the room. "Especially the young master..."

Sebastian stood up and walked toward the door, but was stopped when the chef grabbed his arm violently.

"How can you just walk away like this?" he questioned, his hand shaking though his grip was strong.

'_Always desperate...'_

"I am going to a make phone call to the apothecary." The grip on his arm loosened, and everyone in the room, barring the always composed Tanaka, sighed with relief. "Now please take care of Finnian for a little while longer, I must assist our guest and the young master for now."

After collecting the necessary materials for the evening tea, Sebastian walked back up stairs to the drawing room where he'd left his young master and the irritating guest, all the while thinking to himself what a long night this would be.

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><p>The moment Sebastian entered the parlor, Madame Devoureaux started to ramble on about his incompetency again. She seemed to think that since she was more experienced in housekeeping, she ought to give her younger companion here an idea or two about it. Ciel pretended to listen wholeheartedly, but Sebastian could see the little smirk that was lurking around the corners of those seemingly sweet lips which only spit poison.<p>

Sebastian felt slightly annoyed at the guest and extremely irritated at his young master — though he wanted nothing more than to snap that old hag's neck and be done with her, his young master's indifference towards him was causing a dull pain in that particular spot in his chest again, which was proving to be a nuisance on a whole new level.

When it was time for Madame Devoureaux to leave Sebastian made sure there was no delay and called for the coachmen twenty minutes early, paying for them to wait with his own allowance. He stood at the doorstep behind his master (as Madame Devoureaux refused his assistance in entering the coach), feeling relieved that she would probably never come back to visit, since her business with the Lord Phantomhive over the estate at Derbyshire was entirely settled.

Ciel sighed with exhaustion as the noise of the carriage faded away. Sebastian looked at his young master, suddenly feeling quite content despite his own exhaustion.

"You are tired young master." The demon couldn't help but smile.

"Of course I am, that old hag and her snarky little comments."

"But they were mostly directed at me."

"Yes, but _you_are my butler." Ciel turned around and stepped back into the mansion as Sebastian held the door open. "I am going to bed early, Sebastian."

The demon bowed deeply, laying a hand over his chest. "Yes, my lord."

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><p>As Sebastian walked down to the servants' quarters, he saw the apothecary that was just about to close through the back door. He bowed slightly and turned away again, seeming to be in a hurry to get home since it was already quite dark outside. Sebastian walked into the room that Finny and Bard shared, stopping as he saw the other servants were sitting around the lad, looking quite relieved.<p>

"Mr. William said that Finny ain't got the flu." Bard reported.

"That's a relief," Sebastian muttered. "What are the instructions that Mr. William left behind?"

"He has to take this medicine every four hours." Mey-Rin held up the brown bottle. "We will make sure of that!"

"Ho ho ho..."

Finny looked up at his fellow servants, a warm smile plastered across his face. "Thank you everyone... I'm really touched!"

As the three of them and Tanaka remained in the room to have their cheesy, bubbly, heartwarming moment, Sebastian went to fetch a few blankets and returned to the room, putting them on a drawer nearby.

"The reason you caught a cold must be because of your lack of warmth, so I brought these here for you if you need them."

"Thank you, Mr. Sebastian!"

"Get well soon, there's a lot of work to be done around the house." Sebastian smiled his devious smile, closing the door behind him gently.

_'__Now, there's only young master left to be taken care of,'_ the demon thought, walking up to the study where his master awaits.

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><p><strong>AN: Seems like Sebby is falling in love bit by bit =D**

**If you are curious, the quote at the beginning of this fic is by Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice, my favorite female character from all of literature probably! **

**Thank you for your support for the first chapter. This originally started off as it's own one-shot, but I changed some things and made it into the second chapter for Demon's Heart. Please tell me what you think of this chapter. I am still rather hesitant to write a third...**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of the characters. Kuroshitsuji is the intellectual property of Toboso Yana.

This chapter is not beta yet. I am too eager to read reviews XD

Although there could be none DX

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><p>– <strong>D e m o n ' s _ H e a r t –<strong>

Yes it does, very much, while it really shouldn't be.

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><p><strong>"R<strong>eally now..." The demon butler mumbled to himself as he opened the double door to find his master fallen asleep in an armchair, the book he was reading lay forgotten on the floor, pages twisted and folding in the wrong direction. One of Ciel's arms was placed on his stomach, the other dangling in midair, too short to reach the floor, his head tilted to one side, silky hair spread out and ruffled; if he slept like this throughout the night, the boy would be sure to wake up with a sore spot in his shoulder if not a cold.

"What are you to do without me, young master?" Sebastian thought out loud, eyebrows furrowed in a worrisome manner. Ever since he became a Phantomhive butler, he had learned how to display proper emotion for particular situations. Although it was unnecessary when no one is around, but the demon found himself succumbing to this habit even when no one was there to watch his act.

_'However, does it matter? I will always be with you, till the end... It is I, who will be alone..."_

The dying fire crackled silently, but still louder than his master's quiet breathing. Sebastian couldn't help but admire at the picture — how vulnerable the revenge-driven youth looked, how innocent... without all that anger wrinkling up his face, his lovely mouth slightly opened, revealing the soft pink muscle within... My, my, such a seductive image, one that was capable of making a demon lust.

Sebastian shook his head, scolding himself for thinking of such things when he's only a butler, and most of all, letting his emotions to affect his demonic senses again.

But... surely, one tiny bite of the forbidden fruit wouldn't hurt?

Hesitantly, the butler walked up to his sleeping young master, bending down to admire that fragile beauty a little closer. The close proximity between the temptation and himself caused the demon to salivate involuntarily. He swallowed; it's been such a long time since —

"Sebas- Sebastian." Eyelid fluttered open, blue hit red, and the demon gathered the fallen pieces of his butler mask again.

"Is there something on my face?" Ciel asked, sleepiness lingered on his childish complexion.

"No, young master; I was just about to wake you for the bath." Sebastian replied calmly with a smile, slightly moving away.

"Ah, I see." Ciel stretched, and Sebastian looked on hungrily at a kitten that he could not yet pet.

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><p>Inside the steamy bathroom, Sebastian removed his master's clothing painstakingly, trying his best not to admire at the delicate structure of the young noble too much, but it was proving to be quite a difficult task. Lust was usually something beyond a demon. What is there to lust for when perfection itself can be found in oneself? Narcissistic? Yes. But it was true. However, Ciel was something completely different. Sebastian had never truly lust for something, but Ciel's soul... He wanted it, he needed it... He simply couldn't live without it. His body... so sinfully attractive, even though it was marked by his torturers' brand, but this fault only added to the perfection as a whole... Sebastian wanted to mark it anew as his and his only.<p>

Ciel sat down in the tub, inhaling the sweet scent of roses, allowing his senses to be engulfed by the soothing warm water. Feeling quite content that the day was finally over, the earl thought of his luxurious bed and let out a sigh of relief.

Although feeling quite satisfied, Ciel was not unaware of the gloominess of his butler.

"Sebastian, what is the matter? You seem quite disconcerted." Ciel commented casually, attempting to look as composed as possible, as if he just commented on how pleasant the weather was. He was expecting a clever come-back any moment now — how foolish he was to think a demon could be upset by something as trivial as criticism from a woman... Sebastian was just probably impatient about still having to wait for Ciel's soul, and it didn't seem like they were any closer to the end.

It took Sebastian by surprise that his young master seemed to be worrying much about his well being lately. This was the second time he's been asked. Should he open his heart to his master? Oh, what on earth is he thinking now? A demon opening his heart to the soul he is to devour? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

"Forgive me my lord, if I have been slacking in my tasks." The demon finally replied.

"That's not what I meant-"

"Then whatever do you mean, sir?" Sebastian cut in nervously, something he'd never done before, and both master and servant were surprised at the absurdity of the situation. Silence lasted for what seemed like hours before Sebastian opened his mouth again.

"Young master, please forgive me for my rudeness."

Ciel nodded automatically, keeping his thoughts to himself. Sebastian scolded himself relentlessly in his mind. How stupid could he be? What has happened to him?

"I think that's quite enough Sebastian, you've been rubbing my back for a while now." Ciel said monotonously.

The demon almost stuttered. He really should pay more attention instead of letting his mind wander.

"My apologies, my lord." Sebastian spread the towel as Ciel stood up, wrapping the soft material around the tiny frame of the boy. His palms lingered on his master's shoulders for perhaps a little longer than usual. If Ciel noticed, he did not comment on it. Sebastian proceeded to carefully dry his master's body with the towel, then took the bath robe that was resting nearby and put it over him, tying the knot loosely while trying to avoid looking at that certain region of the pubescent body.

"Carry me." The boy ordered.

Ciel was tired, and he did not intend to take another step. Sebastian put his right arm behind his master's knee as he carried the boy bridal style. He walked out of the bathroom, leaving his white cotton gloves and his master's eye patch behind; when it was only the two of them, there was nothing to hide.

It was extremely unnerving... What had just passed in the bathroom. Sebastian was afraid that he was losing control. Even though his appearance was calm in front of the young master, his mind was spinning like a spinning top! Sebastian tried to tell himself that nothing is going to happen; all he had to do was to tuck the young master in bed and then leave — as simple as that. The demon gently sat the boy on the four poster bed and reached for the nightshirt that was already laid out on the side.

"Sebastian, where are your gloves?" Ciel asked, breaking the silence.

"Do you wish for me to wear them?" Sebastian asked politely, attempting his best to hide the lurking emotions in his eyes.

"No, just leave it be." Ciel replied, stealing a quick glance at the mark on his butler's left hand.

Sebastian undid the knot gracefully, however his hands were almost shaking. The piece of clothing fell on the carpeted floor with a muffled thud, revealing the boy's naked body. Sebastian helped the boy to put the nightshirt on, when he was about to button up the first button, Ciel broke the silence once more.

"What's on your mind?"

Sebastian did not know if it was the question that finally triggered it or the way the boy asked it, but the demon found himself looking at a terrified Ciel, his own body towering over the boy's, pinning him on the bed. He could feel his own pulse in his head, pumping in his ears. Sebastian immediately felt guilty as he saw his own reflection in the boy's deep blue orb, his irises contracted in terror because his natural instinct was leading him to think that the demon would devour him right then and there. All Sebastian wanted to do was to wipe that fear away, he wanted to feel, to feel his young master's —

"You are on my mind." Sebastian whispered in the boy's ear softly. "You, young master, penetrating my every thought..."

"Sebas-"

"You, whose face I see when I close my eyes, whose voice I hear when I am alone..." Sebastian caressed the boy's right cheek softly, looking deep into the glowing contract mark. "Stop torturing me, young master..." This was the end, there was no going back. He had shattered his own mask.

Their lips collided, locked firmly yet softly. Ciel's body relaxed involuntarily, the romantic words of his butler repeating over and over again in his mind. The way Sebastian looked at him, the way his lips moved as he uttered those sweet words... Now their bodies pressed against each other, he could hear Sebastian's heartbeat... Do demons really have hearts? Or is this only his own heart beating? Or are they both beating at the same rate, in sync with each other? Or was this just the sound of his folly?

Ciel was breathless as they broke apart, having forgotten to breathe during the kiss. His demon butler looked at him with the same tenderness swimming in his crimson eyes. Ciel stared back, refusing to give in to this staring contest, half expecting an explanation from the demon. However, no explanation came, and Sebastian's face was getting closer once more, their foreheads pressed against each others. The mixed scent of roses, of soap, and of cinnamon engulfed Ciel's senses, reminding him of the cinnamon cake that he had for tea time that afternoon.

Sebastian kissed him again, a soft peck. Another one on his cheek, then one on his nose, then one on his other cheek, then one on his forehead. They were soft, the smacking noise they made somehow calmed Ciel down.

"Young master." The demon whispered again in his ear.

The boy still lay motionless. Sebastian began to worry what was going through Ciel's mind. Had he acted too rashly? What is the young master going to do now?

"Your hair is tickling me." The boy finally said.

Sebastian couldn't help but chuckled. But it was a nervous chuckle.

The next move from Ciel surprised the demon — he was being pulled down by his necktie, the young master's arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him into an embrace. Ciel inhaled the scent from his butler's shirt collar deeply, but it only reminded him more of the cinnamon cake that he had... The close proximity between the demon and himself did not seem to bother him one bit. What is all this about? Has he really gotten use to this demon this much already?

The weight of his demon butler was not as suffocating as he imagined. If anything, it felt more like a security blanket.

"Young master?"

"Hold me."

Sebastian did as he was told. He felt rather... happy. He was not so sure to use that word freely. He would rather say he felt content that his young master was not struggling, but instead letting him to hold him. Usually the young master hated being touched, it took him long enough to get use to him... but now...

Sebastian pressed his palm against the back of Ciel's head, the silky touch of the boy's hair reminded him of the fur of a cat. Sebastian couldn't help but felt delighted at the idea of being able to pet this big kitten. It would be fair to say that he was beyond content now; he felt almost blissful. How shameless of him... as a demon, and a butler at that.

Sebastian suddenly felt something warm against his jaw — Ciel was pressing his lips against it.

"You are cold." The boy stated.

"Perhaps the young master would care to find a place on my body that is _not _cold?"

Ciel finally blushed, growing aware of the certain part of his butler's body that is now pressed against his thigh.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I don't think I do tonight."

Sebastian took the hint from 'tonight'. "So maybe another night, young master?"

"Just shut up and hold me."

To Ciel's surprise, his demon butler did not make any comment, but only held him tighter, as if it was the end of the world. What has happened to his butler as of late? However, Ciel was too drained to ponder upon the subject. In his demon's embrace, the intoxicating scent engulfed his senses, sending him far away into dreamland.

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><p><strong>AN: Has anyone figured out what the sentence/quote under the title of each chapter meant yet? It's supposed to be Sebastian's response to the question in the summary of this fic: Sebastian, does it hurt?**

**Well, I keep saying I am hesitant to write this fic because it doesn't have a real plot. It exists solely for my interpretation of how Sebastian love. Therefore, don't expect a plot or any sort of "ending" to this fic. Read it as you enjoy it, but just keep that in mind I guess :/**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji, it is the intellectual property of Toboso Yana.

Thanks Hikari-Hikaru-Hikari for betaing this fanfic for me! ^^

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><p>– <strong>D e m o n ' s _ H e a r t –<strong>

I would rather you tear my heart out.

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><p><strong>T<strong>he quiet breathing of the young earl was like a lullaby for the demon. The soft touch of his skin recalling the centuries of fatigue in his ancient spirit, like a droplet of morning dew that plunged into the basin of a prehistoric lake... When was the last time he truly felt this serene and peaceful?

_'And how long is this peacefulness going to last?'_

A dull pang throbbed in that certain spot again.

The right thing to do was to let go. But an invisible force was pulling him in, and the worst thing was his unwillingness to fight back. What if this was the last time he would be able to have the young master this close to him? Even if it's only for a few more seconds (and truthfully, what does a few seconds matter in an immortal life?)... With the young boy in his arms, Sebastian almost felt fulfilled, completed... A mystical sort of feeling that he's never felt before — not when he had murdered thousands of innocent souls, not when he was on a bloody killing spree...

_''Let go...'_

"Sebastian..." the young boy muttered in his sleep, stirring in his butler's embrace. His expression still peaceful, as if he was the Ciel from all those years ago, from before all the horrible misfortune that befell him.

Somehow, Sebastian knew, in his master's heart, there was a place for him. The demon didn't know what to make of this fact... Was he supposed to be happy? If he were, then the weight on his chest that was suffocating him insidiously was proving otherwise... But nonetheless, his body was unwilling to let go of the the person beneath him.

"Young master, what have you done to me?" Sebastian whispered softly to the slumbering boy.

Finally sitting up, the demon caressed his master's rosy cheeks, the warmth of Ciel still lingering on his body. He pressed one last kiss to the boy's forehead, then left the bedroom quietly.

As Sebastian walked through the halls, the realization of how foolishly he had acted began to sink in. What on earth was he thinking? Has he finally gone mad like the Undertaker?

The butler went back to the bathroom to pick up his master's eye-patch and his gloves; the pieces of clothing mingled together; black on white and white allowed black to be tangled within... For unknown reasons the sight annoyed Sebastian. He hurriedly put his white gloves back on, covering the manifestation of his covenant with his young master on his left hand, then stuffed the eye-patch in his pocket, mindlessly caressing the silken material as his mind sank into an introspective mode.

In situations such as these, when the demon begins to feel lust for the person whom he entered a contract with, the clever choice would be to employ seduction... However, Sebastian couldn't bring himself to do it. If he was able to, he would have done it in the bedroom earlier... Something just didn't feel right. He was sure he desired his master's body, and quite frankly, as a demon, he felt no shame in admitting it; but... Ciel's soul, it's what he truly desired — he did not wish to corrupt it; or rather, he knew he was unable to. To be honest, he did not know what he wanted anymore.

Absentmindedly, Sebastian's gloved hand went up to clutch at that sore spot on his chest. How he wished he could just tear his heart out... but that would make a truly unsightly mess.

As he passed by the male servants' quarters, he opened the door slightly, taking a peek inside. Finnian was sleeping soundly and the other two servants were also fast asleep. Sebastian closed the door back up and headed towards his own private quarter.

The butler pulled off his jacket and hung it up on the wall as a habit, then slumped down on his bed. He was tired, an exhaustion he had not felt for a long time. The demon was sure if he were to fight an angel, he would not feel this tired afterward. It felt as if something dreadful was eating him from the inside out, consuming his heart and soul bit by bit.

Maybe he should just go to sleep for once; maybe when he wakes up tomorrow the horrible feeling will be gone...

Gloved fingers worked over his necktie, loosening the piece of clothing. Sebastian unbuttoned his shirt and vest, just enough to make him feel comfortable while breathing. Human attire is truly complicated and unnecessary.

Lying on his bed half-dressed, Sebastian tried to clear his mind. However, when his lids came down, all he could see was the image of his lovely young master, asking him to hold him... As if acting of its own accord, one of his hands reached down to release the growing bulge in his trousers. Cool, slender fingers wrapped tightly around his own throbbing arousal, gently toying with the heated piece of flesh.

_'Only once... and no more.'_

The demon began to pleasure himself, running his other hand over his own body with the intimacy and familiarity a lover would. He found himself more aroused than ever thinking of the lovely face of his young master. He took a firm grip of his cock and squeezed tightly, euphoria running through his every vein, making his cold blood boil.

Sebastian attempted to keep his mouth shut and refrained from making any noise; he sucked in gulps and gulps of air, hoping to stop himself from calling out — but it was no use — tiny moans escaped his lips and he soon found himself groaning in an animalistic manner.

'_I have never been this hard before._' The thought scared him, but he was unable to contain his desire for release any longer.

"Young master... young master, young master..." the demon kept chanting and chanting in a low voice as he worked over his shaft at a steadily increasing pace, as if it were a spell that could summon the young boy to his side.

Porcelain skin that radiates a welcoming warmth, deep blue eyes that throw him into the oblivion of pleasure... He could almost see it, he could almost feel it, _he could almost taste it_... The way his young master would say his name with those sweet lips of his...

"Ah- Ciel!"

Sebastian groaned and cried out the name he was forbidden to use, mind still muddled in his high, intoxicated by his own fantasies. Hot liquid ran down his icy hand like boiling lava... The sensation almost felt like bliss, if it wasn't for the guilt that was gradually sinking in...

Sebastian lay motionless in his bed, the relief that pleasure had offered slowly dying away; now he could only feel the void in his chest growing stronger than ever; the guilt of having thought of his young master while pleasuring himself tortured him... How pathetic had he become by doing this? His mind revolved around the same question over and over: '_What has happened to me?'_

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><p>Ciel had the most peculiar dream last night, which made it impossible for him to go back to sleep. He tossed and turned on his huge bed, his body screaming for <em>something — <em>something that he knew not the name of. He had dreamt of things that he'd never thought he would dream of — things that involved his demonic butler.

He had opened his eyes to his dim bedroom, the weak light of daybreak slipping through his curtains. It was not time for him to be awake yet, but the recollections of last night's dream made it impossible for him to close his eyes again. It had felt so real and... well, _intense_! He was sure the part where Sebastian kissed him tenderly and hugged him tightly was reality... Although he was feeling extremely tired after that visit from that old hag Devoureaux... Ciel knew his butler had kissed him, even though it was unbelievable that they had done such things; he knew it happened, and he was sure of it... But the dream that followed...

He had dreamt of himself touching his butler's most private parts, Sebastian's pleasured screams filling his ears — "Young master... young master..." It almost drove the boy to insanity. They had even kissed in the dream; the hungry gaze that his butler had given him, it almost made Ciel feel like Sebastian wanted to devour his soul once their lips were locked; yet he couldn't resist, he knew he wanted it... just as desperately as his butler did in his dream...

When his mind went over these images, Ciel found the lower region of his pubescent body beginning to grow hot and painful once more... It had gone away gradually last night while he was lying awake in bed, but that bothersome feeling is coming back to haunt him again!

Ciel had no idea what on earth he was supposed to do to make, well, to make _that_ go away. He wished he could ask someone, but who could give him an answer without laughing at him? An unpleasant image of the Undertaker entered his head... No! If he were ever to ask anyone, it would surely _not_be that horrid man! But frankly, the pride of the little earl would not allow him to ask anybody questions on such embarrassing subjects.

Besides, how on earth was he supposed to explain to someone that he had dreamt of, out of all people, his butler? It was an abomination. What was worse — they were both male! Had it been a maid that he had dreamt of, it would still be quite reasonable... but a male servant... and a demonic one at that!

Ciel lay awake in his bed, thinking over and over.

The sun crawled higher and higher while the boy waited for his arousal to go away. However when the clock struck eight, his body still refused to cooperate, leaving him feeling more frustrated and desperate.

It's already time for Sebastian to come up and wake him... Ciel's head spun and spun, trying to come up with a way to hide this disaster from his devious butler. He was sure Sebastian was going to make fun of him — Ciel was young, but he was not ignorant; he knows he has an 'erection'.

He remembered from somewhere that it's normal for young boys to experience such physiological phenomenon... However, he also knew that Sebastian was not going to look at it the same way; the demon must have been waiting for this moment all along, ready to pull those tart and racy comments out of his sleeve and use them upon his poor, confused young master. Alas! This was no time to dwell upon what a spiteful character his demon butler had! Sebastian's footsteps were approaching, Ciel could clearly hear them almost at the door —

"Sebastian! This is an order," Ciel said loud and clear, making sure that his butler could hear him through the mahogany double door.. "Do not enter my room! Leave this instant!" Ciel was glad that his voice did not falter and was rather firm and harsh. It sounded just as a confidant master should.

The demon stood at the door, his gloved hand on the handle. He was shocked at the boy's outrage, and did not understand why his young master was banishing him from the bedroom. Has he found out about how he feels? But how?

"But young master-"

"I said leave! Leave this instant!" the panicky young boy repeated loudly, suddenly afraid that the demon already knew his situation and would barge in to tease him.

"Understood." Sebastian let go of the door handle and replied solemnly, then turned around and left without another protest.

The boy behind those double doors was relieved. That was close! Now all he needed was to concentrate on taking care of the business at hand... He needed to get rid of this quickly, otherwise Sebastian would suspect him... It was rather strange that the demon left without another word... That was not like him at all, but it could just as well be his "butler's aesthetics" to follow every command without protest. Therefore, Ciel did not think of the matter any further.

The young earl swung his feet down the side of his large bed and slid down. It felt rather strange to walk with that certain part of your body standing up... Ciel couldn't help but blushed even though he was utterly alone in his bedroom. He didn't even dare look down, yet he knew something under his night shirt was poking out awkwardly... If he could get himself to the bathroom unnoticed, all would be well — that was the plan — to soak himself in a tub of cold water so that that piece of flesh would cool down and become normal again.

Ciel was sure his plan would work, and he was determined to keep this morning's incident a secret from all but himself.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for all the favs and alerts and reviews! They mean a lot to me :) Much love to those of you who tell me what you love about my story, they are lovely comments to read! Especially Orlyzara's review, your comment on the cake part made me smile XD. Dear, are you British? You sound so very British XD. And I love you for that. ^^**

**I have been getting positive reviews here and on dA and on the black butler forum, thank you for everyone who is supporting and liking this fic :D**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji, it is the intellectual property of Toboso Yana.

Much thanks to Hikari-Hikaru-Hikari, who beta this fanfic for me, and being a really kind and supportive beta at that! :D

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><p>– <strong>D e m o n ' s _ H e a r t –<strong>

It does when you leave me in the dark; your presence is my light.

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><p><strong>S<strong>ebastian stood impatiently in the dining parlor. The food he had prepared this morning sat neatly on the table, cooling as the minutes ticked by.

He didn't know if Ciel still wanted to have breakfast. Did the boy not feel well when he woke up? Why did he refuse to let him into the bedroom? Could his master have developed a terrible case of chickenpox overnight and did not wish to be seen? But if that's the case, he should be at his side assisting the poor boy right now; if those bothersome blisters burst, it could leave unpleasant scars on his master's milky skin (or so he had read from a medical book ever since his young master's life-threatening asthma attack occurred last autumn). However, considering the boy was already thirteen years of age, he should have already experienced chickenpox.

But what other reasons were there to hide himself away in the bedroom? Could it be possible that Ciel had seen or heard what had passed in his own quarters last night? But there were no logical reason for Ciel to stalk his own butler... Besides, he was sure the boy was deep asleep when he left him. The demon desperately wanted to know, and his patience growing thinner and thinner by the second. No matter how many times he tried to reason with himself that it was impossible for his young master to have seen his pathetic act last night, his guilty conscience kept convincing him otherwise.

Could the young master just be throwing a tantrum?

Sebastian remembered when he was attending a ball at the Seymour's with his young master a few weeks ago. The butler of the Seymour household had engaged him in a conversation over the behavior of young boys and housekeeping in general, seeing as Sebastian's situation was similar to his own — 'They can be a pain to deal with sometimes, as they are going through the time of their lives when both their physique and subconscious are undergoing drastic changes. I really cannot blame my two young masters for their frequent tantrums and mischief,' the old fellow had said in a Cockney accent (which he was obviously attempting his best to hide), then continued to ramble on about how he had to take care of the young Seymour boys because their mother was too indolent and their father was away for business almost all year round. Sebastian had listened politely even though the conversation over such trifling matters had bored him.

But now that he thought about it, the description the Seymour butler had given almost fit his young master's behavior today — he was yelling at him for no obvious reasons, and now he was hiding away from others and refusing to eat his meals.

The demon had definitely expected better than that from Ciel. He knew he had spoiled him too much; but Sebastian had thought Ciel would be a little more mature than this... If the human child refuses to eat, then he should just leave him be — why should he care anyways? Not eating a meal or two is not going to kill anybody; there were well over hundreds of souls starving in the East End as of now. If this little brat of an earl doesn't want to have a bite of the juicy omelet or the buttery mashed potatoes that his butler had prepared early in the morning, he should just throw it away for the dogs to eat, who would probably appreciate it more than his young master would.

Hypocritically, the demon sighed for the fourth time in a worrisome manner.

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><p>Ciel sneezed for the twenty-third time as he hugged himself tightly and rubbed his arms with his small hands. He had managed to get himself into a tub of freezing water, however, he was unable to take off the nightshirt that kept clinging to him.<p>

The cold water had taken his mind off of that dream and his little "problem" had gone away, but now his body was shaking violently from the cold. He contemplated the idea of calling for his butler to bring him towels and a change of clothes, but then he would require his help to put those complicated garments on. The boy dared not think of what his devious butler would have to say when he sees him in such a pitiable state as this.

Ciel cursed under his breath. Why is this happening to him? What had he done to earn this? Maybe Soma was right about that thing with _Karma_...

"A-Achoo!" The sound of his sneeze echoed loudly in the rubbed his nose in a most ungentlemanly manner .

Maybe it was time to admit defeat and call for his butler... otherwise he'd be stuck in this bathroom for the rest of the day, 'til Sebastian decides to come and tease him... Either way, he was doomed to be teased.

Ciel stood up in the tub, his shirt clinging to him, the cold air in the room making him shudder. He immediately retreated back into the water. It seemed like staying in the water would be a smarter choice.

Ciel quickly rang the bell next to him, all the while thinking of comebacks that he could use when his butler teased him. However, the demon didn't give him much time to think, and was in the bathroom in less than half a minute.

Expecting the demon to tease him and make fun of his red nose, Ciel was surprised to see what seemed to be relief in his butler's expression — almost as if he was happy to be summoned. However, that relief was soon turned into some sort of indecipherable annoyance... If Ciel knew better, he would have known that his butler was worried.

Sebastian soon left to gather some towels and returned with a stack of them. Seeing his master in such a state worried Sebastian to no end. He was at his wit's end with the boy — he first yelled at him for no obvious reasons, then skipped the most important meal of the day, and now he's soaked himself in freezing cold water. What asthma patient would soak himself in freezing cold water in the morning when he obviously knew that it's a prime factor in triggering his asthma? What has happened to the logic the boy usually displayed?

Sebastian helped Ciel out of the nightshirt then quickly wrapped layers and layers of towels around the boy, all the while thinking about how everything would be put behind schedule for today... Or perhaps he should cancel everything on today's schedule so his master could rest?

"How long have you been in the water?" Sebastian asked, his tone betraying his worry.

"Just a while," the boy replied in a nasally voice, the soft touch of the fluffy towels offering relaxation for his chilled skin.

Sebastian kept drying his young master off with towels and did not say a word.

_'Why do I feel so nervous?'_

"Sebastian," The boy said after a pause of silence, "I am hungry. Prepare me that cinnamon cake you made yesterday for tea. I want it as soon as we're done here." The cake had been on his mind ever since he woke up this morning; he had been starving.

"I am afraid not, young master. You need to eat something nutritious. Besides, you've already skipped breakfast today." Sebastian almost chided. He was annoyed at his master for being such a, well, such a _moron_! But at the same time, he couldn't help but feel —

"That's an order."

"No young master, I am going to have to make you something nutritious, such as a risotto with vegetables; it's my duty to keep you healthy." Sebastian attempted to fake a smile, but it didn't come off quite right.

"Make it taste like that cinnamon cake."

"No young master, I'm afraid that's not possible." Ciel was just being difficult now, and it's getting on the demon's nerves.

"I don't care, I want that cinnamon cake," the earl repeated with the tone of a stubborn child, a sickly one at that.

"I will make a yogurt dessert with cinnamon," Sebastian finally gave in. He didn't want to keep arguing with Ciel anymore, which was strange because that usually entertained him in his monotonous life as a butler.

Ciel smirked at his victory, but a timely sneeze wiped it off of his face.

"We need to get you in bed soon."

Without another word, Sebastian swept his young master off his feet and hurried to the bedroom.

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><p>"What the bloody hell is this? It doesn't taste even remotely like cinnamon!"<p>

"It must be due to your cold, it has altered your sense of taste."

Ciel gave an annoyed whine, putting down the glass and spoon.

"Now, what about taking a bite of the risotto?"

"No," the boy said stubbornly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I'll cool it off for you," Sebastian smiled, cooing at Ciel as if he was a little child.

Ciel turned away and blushed deeply, the situation reminding him of that one time when Sebastian was trying to fawn over him.

As he was about to tell his butler to go away, his stomach growled loudly, which only made him blush a deeper shade of red, a blush which spread all the way to his ears.

Sebastian smiled — a genuine smile. How adorable his young master had looked just now!

The demon used the spoon to scoop up some of the risotto, blowing on in gently, then brought it close to his master's lips. "The choo choo train is coming young master, please open your mouth."

"I am not a three-year-old, you don't have to do that," Ciel mumbled with embarrassment, but nonetheless allowed his butler to put the spoon in his mouth. The risotto tasted moist and the salty taste further triggered Ciel's hunger.

"How is it, young master?"

"It's better than that tasteless yogurt," Ciel half grumbled. He didn't want to sound like he was complimenting the food, or admit that it was his own fault for being a brat about the cinnamon dessert earlier.

"I am glad that it is to your liking; it seems that you've only lost your sense of taste with sweets."

Ciel gave another annoyed grumble — of all things, he had to lose his favorite sense of taste! Life is tasteless without sweets. Curse this damned cold!

When Sebastian was getting ready to feed his master another spoonful, Ciel stopped him, took the plate and said, "I will do it myself..." then kept silent as he continued to eat.

The demon was disappointed at not being able to have some more fun with the boy, but was rather glad that the boy was eating, and looking so adorable all the while.

When Ciel was finished, Sebastian gathered the dishes and put them back on the trolley. Ciel attempted to pull the blankets over his own body and tuck himself in, but to no avail. When Sebastian finally turned around to do it for him, a disgruntled look lingered on the boy's face. Sebastian couldn't help but chuckle, pressing a kiss on his master's forehead.

Ciel stared at his butler with wide eyes for a second... Why does he feel different now? He didn't feel uncomfortable last night when his butler was kissing him, but now... Was it because of the dream he had?

"Please rest well, young master," Sebastian smiled warmly. The heat of Ciel's forehead lingered on his cool lips, and he rather hoped that his young master wouldn't develop a fever while sleeping.

Ciel turned away, hiding his face in the pillow, then made a muffled noise of approval, hinting at his butler's dismissal.

When the door closed behind Sebastian, Ciel rubbed his forehead where the demon had kissed him, the icy touch still lingering. He felt his heart racing strangely, making him feel rather dizzy. Ciel didn't know what this meant and he didn't want to think about it, therefore he was grateful that his body was finally giving into fatigue.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for all the support guys :D **

**Although there aren't too much reviews but the favs and alerts just keep coming in! **

**I feel so loved! I am not going to bitch about the number of reviews, so don't worry. I've been getting lots of positive feedbacks from other sites that I post this on also, I am very glad :)**


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